reminders of beauty

This is a nice little filler for those days I’m distracted, or unfocused. Keeps me up to date, not only with the blog. Also myself.

I woke up this morning fairly early–4am early. Not at all sure why. Just awake. Thought I would get to work–a little reading, a little writing. Then, that vague discontent I’ve been feeling the last little while revealed itself for what it is.

I’m bored with myself. Not that I’m unhappy. More that I got to feeling how everything is sort of the same thing. I think of my various expressions to the world and realized how it wasn’t particularly all that interesting to me.

Being bored with myself isn’t a beautiful thing, but if properly addressed it can reopen and reawaken. Even a little bit will do.

Not that I had an instant transformation. It took me all morning to find my way past the doldrums. I had to get out of the apartment.

Wandered the block south to campus. Just for a change of scenery. Looked for my camera before I left. Cameras are good for awakened noticing. Only the batteries were dead. So I charged them.

That’s not really all that beautiful either, but it was leading somewhere at least.

Came back home after a few hours, had a late lunch. Batteries were charged. My camera is on its last legs, the lens is rather hesitant about getting started these days. But it turned on nice, then gave a memory card error. Always something, right?

Fixed that. Took a test picture.

The glare out the front window makes this a not so great picture, but later in the day, after taking a number more pictures I saw this first one, the first one I’ve taken with that camera for a long while. And I realized I had three beautiful things in that one scene.

beautiful things

1. Two pictures of my recent wedding. Beautiful day. Beautiful pictures. Beautiful memory.

2. A small potted rose plant. I got that for Amy a few weeks ago, on our first kissiversary. Beautiful.

3. Ear plugs. They’re not beautiful. Specially after they’ve been used. But they’re beautiful to me, because instead of being frustrated and distracted I can get lost in my reading or sitting or pondering, and my mind can wander the fields of imagination more freely. They are tools of freeing. That’s beautiful to me.

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