out of rhythm

Writing to me follows a cadence. Not one of sound or feel. A lived cadence, in which my life begins to find a rhythm of being. As I find the feel for it, my creativity soars, my mind wanders towards varying depths, and there’s a curious interplay of intellectual and emotional liveliness.

I’ve not felt that rhythm for a while now. And I’ve not written for a while now. Neither here on my blog nor anywhere else. My thoughts have dissipated, sometimes outwards in low measure, sometimes reabsorbed within my being.

Unlike past seasons the cause of this disturbed rhythm is almost all good. Good, but presently thrusting me into a prolonged transition, where I don’t feel either here or there or anywhere in particular, a commuter to school, in relationship, in thought, in all kinds of ways.

My class on beauty, which I had hoped to write more about, is done in a few weeks. My musings from this entry into academia have fallen way below my expectations, even as I realize I look back and don’t see missed moments of sharable insight. Just that dissipation that never quite settles into coherent thoughts.

While there are still massive changes ahead, I see these changes as not being yet more prolonged transition but rather new beginning, a profoundly changed settledness in which I can rediscover a new rhythm as I begin life with another, in my own established place.

And, honestly, I miss writing. It’s a boon to my soul, thought and emotions. Leaving it aside is impoverishing for me, in ways that only become apparent when I begin to exhibit the signs of a scurvy of being, a quiet wasting away that increases my sensitivity to the negative and lowers my perseverance towards light and hope.

I don’t see anything changing for a little while, as I try to hold onto what little rhythm I have I put my energy into two major projects.

But, I see it as a goal.

I’ve been away. I’m going to be back. Maybe with a little more theologizing than might be preferred. Probably again with an assortment of pictures of birds and beasts.

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