Honestly, I feel like writing reasons, more theologizing. Simple fact is, I didn’t do what I ought. This is a discipline, to write down my thoughts, spiritually focused, so as to provide a record of my journey, come what may.

I didn’t do that this morning, and indeed have not quite fulfulled the task as I should for too long.

All is well. I remained busy today, busy at tasks which draw me in, even more than writing. Writing, as most writers would say, is oftentimes a struggle, and so now in working at something which has an element of fun and creativity to it which doesn’t relate to writing it is easy to put the written words all to the side.

But it’s a discipline.

Always, in looking at the past, my journals reflect a rather gloomy bent, a negative tone, an encroaching despair. Because when those feelings arose, I wrote, when they subsided I didn’t.

There are indeed rhythms to life, where certain desires and joys ebb and flow. Obviously, the writing here, the exploration of the deeper parts in general, has waned. I do not necessarily feel this a bad thing, as long as I continue on rightly, continuing on in part until the waxing, when writing and delving are again primary activities. Now, while other things intrude I must watch that my original purposes are not lost, are not practiced.

What this means I’ll look at tomorrow. It certainly means a more intentional return to a precise schedule in contributing to this page. Waiting ‘until I feel like it’ may mean waiting months.

I owe it to my future self not to waste the thoughts of the present. Who knows, maybe I will snap back into a rhythm by sheer perseverance.

All is well, and I need to write this.

This is a spiritual journal. More than a collection of thoughts about the weather and seasons, birds or occurences, this is a record of my soul, finding the state of my inner being through the telling.

It is to be noted, then, when I don’t write. Sometimes I have reasons, sometimes it is like my soul is shunted.

The great difficulty is that unlike hunger, when the stomach is ignored, it becomes increasingly easier to wander away from the most vital pursuits.

Not that I didn’t get things done. Indeed, one could say that I ventured into more practical realms this weekend than I have for a long time.

But I cannot sustain that distracted focus. I have lost the rhythm of the spiritual life, and only disciplined reaction will restore the liveliness. That is the place for regimen, for rule, for order and schedule. Over managed one can lose the fluidity, but in times of gadding these take on an unrivalled importance. I lose the habit, but know the positive results.

So, tomorrow is a new day, a new week really. I’ll likely keep at similar tasks, but instead of letting them consume my time and being, I’ll reassert those deeper parts.

I am of no worth to anyone if I let myself drift away. God calls, and though the rhythm of the present may not require intense focus, there is still a need for balance.

And less sugar. Doughnuts are my joy and bane all in one.

Well, sometimes the irritations don’t get to a person, but they really have a way of throwing off rhythm. I just didn’t get to this today, and now, when the stars are brightly shining, filling the dark sky with their brilliant radiance, I feel it is fine to get back to this tomorrow. There are reasons why I put “mostly” in the description, grace is a wonderful thing, even in our disciplines.

G’night.

Enjoyed the day away, rested with good company, feasted with family and friends.

Will continue the daily thoughts tomorrow. There is much swirling about inside, and I think it best to take a day of pure contemplation. I did say ‘mostly’ daily, you know.