The day was beautiful, the room is a mess. The sky was perfect, the breeze tantalizing, the Spring air filled with new life. Nothing was where it was supposed to be, boxes filled with all manner of papers seemingly exploded onto the floor, too many books and not enough bookshelves make for moveable piles rather than orderly research.
The night is beautiful, the stars are bright and the air is cool. The room is still messy, piles of this and stacks of that moved around so that I could find what seemed important at the time but now I’m not sure was worth the bother. Finding things I hadn’t been looking for but ended up being useful is always nice. Finding things that I’ve kept around thinking that they would someday find a use is not so nice. I’ve regularly gone through and rid myself of the junk, but now I have a mess, and it’s too late to do a thing about it. So, I’m going to attack it in the morning sun, waking up, I know, wishing I had spent time at it this evening.
Prayer is a curious thing. I’m learning a lot about prayer these days, realizing that even as its my primary purpose I am neither persistent nor skilled nor gifted nor understanding. I slip and I am bothered, and distracted even when I don’t seem to have anything distracting. I find the distractions and distract myself, even as I really know that praying is how I feel the sharpest and most thoroughly touch the presence of God.
I find it curious to pray for certain things and feeling like some aspects have darkness and struggle in the prayer, while other topics roll out of my soul like a great wave. It is like using a small piece of metal to find electric flow. Some spots have it, others don’t, and one can feel the difference.
I’m not sure what this means. Are those points of electricity points I am supposed to be particularly praying about? Am I tapping into some spiritual gulf stream? I think there’s something to that, because I know that praying for such topics energizes the rest of my prayers. Until I remember that “thing” I really need to find, and upset my whole living situation in the quest for that unnecessary treasure. The monks have something to say about such distractions, and what they have to say is not positive about the pursuit.
This is all about learning for me. Stepping right and stepping wrong, learning what works and then finding myself out of bounds and needing to know why.
Tonight though my room is a bit of a mess, and my soul is a bit of a mess, neither of which were messy last evening or even earlier today. So, I get back to work, falling off the horse only to get back on and finally get to taming this thing. The most persistent wins, that is the call of the Spiritual life. Sin is persistent, evil is persistent, but the true Christian will outlast them both when one’s eyes are kept on the real prize.