A friend told me of the moon. Here I cannot see it. There is it bright and full, bringing dawn to night. Here there is only fog, fog thick and wet, which gives texture to one’s breath. The snow came down lightly all day, never sticking, only dusting the trees and the newly planted flowers which enthusiastic homeowners planted during last week’s warming.
I fell into the depths this week and it seems there are reasons upon reasons. I know to expect the spiritual life now, only it still gets me at times, taking me by surprise. The only difference is that I’m much more apt at catching the surprise, and if I do not exactly thwart the low times, I call it for what it is and seek to remedy.
This means re-attaching to my heart and soul, finding again those things which spur me to heaven itself: books of noble thought, writing, pondering the mysteries greater than what is seen, wrestling with issues that speak of the Spirit amidst troubling circumstances. It means letting loose of those things which serve only to occupy time or give me some mundane approval.
It also means realizing that when one prays to help others by taking on their burdens, not to be surprised by the sheer weight of the burden once handed over. When one’s gift is to be cognizant of the spiritual realities and the emotions of those spiritually connected, it should be expected that hard times provoke wallowing amid muck and mires.
Realizing these things helps give perspective. It is when the battle fought is entirely unseen that discouragement finds a home. So, I fight, and continue to fight it seems. Happily so, even with the burden.
With the burden, however, comes my own training, which if forgotten leaves me quite low. My training has taught me the tools, the tasks, the pursuits which can push me out of the weighted slumps, giving me a reason to help others with their burdens. I have learned to stand, and so can help others stand.
Just have to remember that at all times. I forgot my place, forgot my soul, lost sight of my center, and the weight knocked me off balance.
Today I read. I opened a book on physics for inspiration, a book on theology for stimulation, and a book on spirituality for direction. I dwelled with Scripture for restoration. I even stared a while at the fog filled view, finding peaceful sustenance. It’s not that I’ve recovered myself quite yet… but I have made the journey back upwards.
I pray. I pray, and I seek God’s light to the west and to the east, far and near I look to see where God’s hand leads. And I wait. I wait for that time in which all is clear, the doors are opened and the way forward is made ready.
Now, however, I sleep. For this is one of the more useful spiritual disciplines.