The day was gorgeous. A fair breeze blew through the trees creating that mystical symphony of nature which fills the mind with thoughts just out of reach and the soul with a peace which says everything is alright. The birds were active all the day, chirping and singing, flittering about, enjoying the first real full day of sun we’ve had in a rather long time. There were scattered puffy clouds moving across the sky, just enough to cause the occasional shadow, hiding the sun for a moment, long enought to be excited anew when it came out bright and warm.

And again my soul was opposite the weather. I had a bit of the melancholy today, my soul searched and could not find, leaving me a little confused and more than a little uninspired. I cleaned a little bit. That didn’t seem to help. So, I wandered the fields of my soul trying to find what it is that doesn’t seem to be quite latching together when a fair breeze comes through. Nothing new presented itself. So, I read a little, finding more wisdom in Oswald Chambers than I expected (the key is to read the rest of his writings beyond the daily bits). That renewed my quest if not my inspiration.

I’ve come to the solid and firm conclusion that the inspiration I seek is beyond me. I can do my part, and must do my part, but that which will be the spark pushing me beyond my present state is not within. Maybe, I think, that is why I cried in all the wrong parts while watching Finding Neverland.

But, my part is still to do and must be pursued, with or without, waiting for the moment in which the time is fulfilled, knowing in increasing measure that I wait for the movement of the Spirit like a farmer waits for rain after he has planted the crops.

So, I continue to do and to wait. For what remains in a fog, with shadows sometimes emerging, ghosts of opportunities float by, none coalescing into a palpable reality. Always I look and I think, is this the phantom that will become real? I grasp, and my hands slip through. It is a lesson to be sure, it is all a lesson, and one which drives me ever deeper into discernment. All is silent and dark, so my brain creates illusions and sounds for stimulation. But, the dark, silent cave is a path to something wonderful, or else I would not have been pushed through.

This was a day of beauty mixed with melancholy wrapped up in driving introspection seeking light in the midst of shadows.

And I made some very wonderful, delicious chili dogs for dinner. Mmmm… good.

I shall lead the blind along a way they do not know;
in paths unknown to them I shall make them walk.
I shall make the darkness that is around them into light.
I shall make crooked things straight.

–Psalm 180