So, it seems the daily considerations have slowed to a twice weekly crawl. The enthusiasm of sorting through my inner spiritual self has declined, mostly as the considerations are not often shaken up.
I’ve entered a slow point, for reasons I don’t know. Which is fine. My heart is tending to look outwards and so I continue to wonder. Last Monday I wrote nonstop, filled with an almost fury. Tuesday, slow. Wednesday, slow. Thursday, nothing. Friday, little. Whatever had sparked has now dissipated. Which is fine.
I wonder if what I need is simply a time in the forest, seeking God in the midst of nature with no other input.
Or, I’m looking outward because my soul is ready for a change of pace, and my higher energy level has meant I need to throw myself outwards again. The pastoral bug bites.
But, since I had a hard time writing this week I realize a fair source of this present malaise. And I realize I think too much about it all and simply need to do the tasks each day offers.
It’s funny how the more one progresses the less profound points of wisdom become. Not that they are less profound, rather like a cloud in the sky, the simple is filled with complexity, more than we see at first.
So, I will continue to pray, continue to wander forward, continue to seek wisdom and patience and courage and light. I figure if I keep doing those things, it’ll all be fine however or wherever I go.
There’s also the reality of a lack of interpretive experiences. Away in this mountain I don’t exactly have much activity or interaction which would prompt my regular musings.
Stay in one’s cell and there one will learn everything the desert fathers said. The cell is a slow teacher it seems. What I really need is patience and faith… I really need patience and faith. Then I think my mind would find peace and would give up it’s pernicious habit of thinking too much.
Then again, I guess that is the real lessons of the present… patience and faith, without which there is no good end.
I’m excited about this coming week, and I don’t know why. In fact I didn’t know I was excited until I wrote that right now. Curious that.
Enough rambling… time for bed.