Yeah, I still am feeling averse to writing. 

But, I’ll have a go anyhow. The rain mentioned kept coming, bringing down mountains and causing no end of problems. The roads here were shut down since Monday leaving this community in a curious state of trapped enchantment. Once the rain stopped it became beautiful. Three feet of snow melted away under the pounding storm leaving everything boldly bright and green.

The lake has risen about fifteen feet since I last went kayaking before Christmas. It’s a different lake really.

Whether it’s the rain or something else there has been a measure of melancholy in my soul. Nothing too severe especially since I sent off a writing proposal a few months in the making yesterday. But it remains today, enhanced a wee bit by changed plans to meet a friend. No road, no traveling for me.

So, I was in a low ebb of being today, a low reflection of light and spirit, a shadow of my possible self in mood and deed. I realize the spiritual life has its rhythms so I wonder if this is it, or I wonder if I am too long living the ronin spiritual life wandering free and stifled because of it. 

I don’t know. So, I don’t reflect. There is the charge of discipline which rears up at times like this and the realization of the importance of a peer community to strive alongside with. 

I suppose that is really it. Tonight I feel isolated and alone, the expected reprieve highlighting my own present, even though I know this is where I am supposed to be right now. 

What would solve this internal gnaw? That is even the trickier answer for it seems more profound than the usual suspects. 

Which is why I attribute it to a low ebb and trust that continuing to face the right direction will eventually find me on the higher crest soon enough. Don’t get discouraged by discouragement is a fine spiritual lesson to hold onto. So shall press on, slogging if I must.