What is this day? What was yesterday? I don’t know. Sad to say. I didn’t notice very well. The computer took most of my time, and fell into repairing and redoing various parts of this site, and what with the dross and flotsam which had built up, I barely turned my head to notice the chipmunks or birds which surely were about. Not a thing did I notice today, not a thing.
But for a good cause and a cause which reminds me why God has me so without much else. I would eagerly grasp ahold of that which would buy my time and which, it seems, would by notice from those who I would want some return.
That’s my weakness in all of this, you see. I walk close to the line of vainglory, and as one person recently noted, I want to prove myself too much.
This is a distinction from me and a real religious, something I know, and ponder, but do not change.
If only I could be the kind who would pray for prayer alone, or seek God for who he is more than for what he can do.
I am weak, and shallow, and too eager to wander, so God builds a fence around me and has hidden the key in a secret place. Where is this key, who has it? All mysteries which remain, though I continually eagerly send out the raven to fly about and see if there is land anywhere to set down this heavily laden ship. Only water remains, the raven flies about, the dove in reserve waiting for confirmation, always waiting.
But first I have to begin noticing again. Not for the vague ‘something’ but for myself, for my own soul to find peace and joy which computer work or other occupying ventures never bring.
Now that part is done, and so I can move on, or move back maybe, to where my soul resides and again seek up and outwards. I pray God meets me there, I sure would like to find him once more.