The moon has risen and passed overheard, the night has grown chill, after a chilly day. It was a mix of a day, frustrations interspersed with occasional curiosities.
I spent two hours vacuuming my truck. That should say something of the day. Then I spent four hours breaking and partially fixing a section of this website. My eyes are glazed with computer glare.
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night, and prayed for a bit as I’m getting better at doing. I realized I was hearing a rustling outside, near my window. Wind? It was breezy, but this sound was something else. A racoon? A bear? I was hoping it was a bear. I walked to my window and looked out. The full moon was shining and showering its pale light across the hill from the west. Shadows were thick still and my eyes were not ready to see into the night. I continued to hear the rustling. Then I saw two triangle ears coming into the light, a long muzzle, thin body, long legs. A coyote was casually rummaging about in the brush.
I walked outside onto the balcony and said, “hello coyote.” It leaped away, though not far, out of sight, mine at least. I knew it had turned and was watching me. I didn’t want it to feel safe around our house, but I wasn’t going to spend all night at the job. So I went back to bed. As my prayers were renewed I heard the rustling again, continuing until I fell asleep not too long later.
This afternoon, while writing a little bit which has nothing to do with what I should be writing I leaned back in my chair and looked outside. The sky is boldly blue, the air crisp, the trees strongly green from the chill and recent downpour. Not a couple of seconds into my gazing I see a black shape high, very high, in the sky. At first I assume it to be a raven. Though a big raven. And a raven with a bright white head. It was a bald eagle flying southwest, maybe the same one I saw in a tree yesterday when I was kayaking.
Spiritually, I remain in a doldrums… well a doldrums that encompasses all my -allys, I press onwards but feel a dullness to my heart, and pray both for renewed excitement and delight. I am getting things done, though not the things I necessarily want to get done, so find myself in a curious state of listless productivity… feeling like I am moving no where while getting to things that have been needed doing for a long while. Just not those things I want to do, maybe that’s the source of the confusion.
Ah well, there is only forward, whether slogging or running, in light or darkness.
Maybe I’ll look into new paths tomorrow. We’ll see. I didn’t even think I was going to write tonight… so things change when we simply get started.