The snow is melting, but there’s so much of it it’s going to take a while. The world is still white, with brown flecks and green highlights. The trees are bare, the roofs are not. The roads are icy, until late morning at least.
A cold caught up with me and now lingers. My car was taken to the mechanic where my window was smashed and my radio was stolen, something which ended up saving me money oddly enough. The rule continues…. never trust me with a car, it often becomes a victim of the swirling maelstrom. It’s back now, parked in the icy driveway, fixed and in shape to get a new registration… but can’t move as the emergency brake release snapped, thus leaving the brake permanently on, until I have a look at it later tonight. At which point it may or may not be fixed.
There is much swirling about, and this is merely one point of where it broke into physical reality. One wonders if this is simply an irritation or something more pointed. There are no answers to this question, and the headache I have pushes any analysis away for the moment.
Still, there’s hope. And before the dawn comes, before light is shown, before all we wait for is revealed… it’s good to say that I have hope in that which I cannot see and do not know.
Blindly through the cave, bumps and bruises along the way. That is often the story of faith. Pressing on.
Then there’s this, something I wrote earlier in the year:
I am basically a very shallow person. If given the chance, I will happily not delve into the deep end of life, and can be contented with simple entertainments. Some folks are naturally deep, naturally religious, naturally philosophical. These people are oftentimes often bores, but that’s beside the point. I, however, was thrown into the deep end, and have spent years now flailing about, trying to find my way, becoming ever more adept all the while. Which is likely a good thing, as my natural shallowness would have never forced me out to where I am pleased to be. God, there is no doubt, wants me to be more than I want to be. That’s his way, though, so no surprise. I just have to remind myself of the fact.
The sad thing is that once in the deep end of life, one can’t go back to being purely shallow, even though one might try it for a while. The brain works against a person in these cases, and happily, eagerly, makes for cognitive dissonance at the most inopportune times. There is a bliss about ignorance, but there’s a quality about depth which while not bliss, can be epiphanic. I live for those times, which pull me through the times in which wrestling with unknowable things becomes too much a burden. Heaven can be found in those moments, and will be those moments continually. It’s not about harps and clouds, it’s about being fully everything we were always meant to be for all time, without our own failings constantly tripping us up. Choose God, and choose yourself — that’s the basics of the Christian message.
I think I’ll stick with it for a while longer yet, just to see what happens mind you. Wisdom awaits I hear. Though my own shallowness still wants to keep me away. Someday, I’ll become deep, I think, Someday. Until then, I must learn to ride the waves, and catch the wind.
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