I did write today… alot. I didn’t go outside much today. Hardly at all. Only for a brief moment. The skies, all the day, anticipated rain which never came. Dark clouds were always on the Western horizon, never nearing.
Overcast days affect my soul, especially without counter balance. They are the kinds of days in which I need company, a conversation, some inspiration. Otherwise I get enough done, but have a vague melancholy throughout, which suddenly disappears with the first moment of sun.
But, I got done what I needed to, which allowed me to bask in the unspecified discontent with a measure of peace. The trick is to shape one’s life so as to most easily facilite the necessities, so that they never are pushed aside. I think that’s the main point of the whole monk business, getting rid of the extraneous bits so as to focus on the soul.
For whatever reason, which may or may not be connected to anything said in the last paragraph, time has been moving really slow. It seemed like months went by in a blink of an eye, and now, it seems it takes forever to get to eleven in the morning. Maybe this is related to a present quest of discernment, trying to distinguish natural feeling and spiritual insight which are mingling in a certain instance, both truly there, neither quite clear on the other’s reality. So I trust and doubt, feel and ignore, leap out and stay within all at once, only sure that I have to listen to my heart, and see what happens.
Yes, vague. I know. I know what I’m talking about… and this is my journal after all. I should add I have yet to see a welcome resolution to such an experience… but it only takes once.
That’s all, an entry more a marker for myself tonight. All related to faith, and practicing the gifts given so as to sharpen them for later use, and present help. We’ll see how sharp I am… the problem being much is out of my hands. I can only do what I can do, and trust God is indeed leading and guiding answering prayers through infinitely complex means.
We will see.