For the first time in a very long time I did nothing today. I didn’t go anywhere, I didn’t do anything productive, nore did I even try or worry about anything productive. I sat around, staring at trees and clouds, watching a bit of television, reading entertaining books, and generally letting my soul relax. Throughout the day I played my saxophone, and even the irish whistle. I started cleaning, and within moments decided against it, prefering the peace of listening to the wind, a peace which seemed to settle into my soul when I drove back up the mountain late last night.
It was hot yesterday, and I drive a black truck with no air conditioning. Windows down, change of clothes, lots of water, and general expectation of a fair measure of misery is the way of things. Even at midnight when I drove up the 15 I was warm.
To the top of the mountain I drove, enjoying the empty roads. Then, as I made my way around the curves and passed the five thousand foot marker a change came in through my windows. Mountain air, chilled. I felt a cool breeze stir my soul and massage my mind.
Left on the road to Arrowhead. A damp smell, a wonderful smell of earlier soft rain evoking from all the flora their delicious scent. The scent of moist incense-cedars came in with the now cold air. I smiled, for it was good.
I slept well, woke up refreshed, and felt the ease of a soul unburdened.
God has called, and I spent the morning yesterday beginning to retune my ear, and attune my soul for his soft, strong, whisper. I’ve felt this many a time before. Too often in places which restricted my response. So in heeding the call I made drastic decisions — quitting paying jobs, not succumbing to mere money making opportunities, leaping into higher education far outside my means, and then doing it again for another degree.
Coming up to the mountains to live in a manner not respected, for the sake of that call which burns within my soul, that knowing, assurance of the Spirit who demands everything, giving much more in return.
Now, I am in a place where my situation can remain, and long as my focus is returned. And it is refreshing. To know one’s soul is possibly the most contented reality, exceeded only by finding peace with what it needs and demands.
So, tomorrow a new week begins, in which I reassert the reality which the mountains proffer. Filling my nostrils with the scents of the forest, kayaking around a lake, walking amidst trees and plants fully alive, listening to bird and beast go about their lives in only slight awareness of my being.
Praying to the God who pursues, studying the words which have been written long ago for our benefit and awareness. And, most vital to my soul right now, writing words which seek to explore and reflect on all I have learned and seek to contribute to the telling of the greatest story of all time.
Only heaven can offer such benefits, and it is to heaven I apply.
May I find peace and rest in such a process. There remains only that dark side of my soul which ties and binds, a side which wrestled me down these last many months, a valley which may have now been crossed.
We’ll see. I can’t really ever say that tomorrow I’ll do this or that. A lesson pounded into me over the years. I do hope, and I shall pray, and will seek to be obedient on the call which comes tomorrow. There is only that, my soul, and God. May I keep my eyes on the prize.