evening

After watching the ravens this evening, feeling a measure of peace, and a moment of light, I came inside and lost it all.

I think the remedy before me involves a small break from bright screens, and more old fashioned pursuits to stir the mind and heart.

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morning

I had a bag of pistachios. I love pistachios. There are, however, always those few which are opened. A person can wreck fingernails trying to pry the shut gates, or just toss them aside with the empty shells. I like doing neither. So, I put these few, well about six by the time I had sat with my bag through the evening, outside.

A jay came this morning, not too early, well after the sun rose over the house on the hill. There was no other seed, just pistachios. It took one in its mouth, looked about, and flew west, out of sight. It did not go far apparently. A moment later it was back, took another pistachio in its beak, and again flew west a ways.

The fourth pistachio went east. The others all followed the first. No pistachios remain on the balcony rail. The late squirrels will be so disappointed.

Someone called at two a.m, on the dot. I’m not sure who it was. “Unknown caller” was on the ID. It tore me out of my dreams, not in time to answer it, but enough to prompt me to check for a message. There was none and I was quite awake. I turned on the light, filled up a glass of water, then another, then a jug of the same and eased my dry mouth while reading the ancient story of the Jewish Wars by Josephus.

At five am I had a distinctive dream, one which prompted me to awake and quickly fulfill its clear message in the bathroom downstairs. Drinking several pints of water at two am has that effect.

The painters are back today, after a lull which lasted four days longer than originally said. Slacking was not an occupation only pursued by me this weekend. This means sitting in my usual spot is likely not an option. Having folks busy and active outside does not a contemplative time make. So, to other places I shall go, either in the wilderness or somewhere else for a time.

There is that impasse still, that prodding me forward into or over a wall, which was put on pause this last weekend. Now that quiet and peace have returned, I can again seek it out, discover what it means, try to understand the path which lies ahead.

That, for now, is my sole occupation.

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