A soft thud came from outside. I turned and looked up from my pillow. Before I saw anything the loud triple shriek of a steller’s jay told me of my visitor. Then a softer call. I had to clean off the seed yesterday, the house is being painted this week, and so there is nothing on the menu, but for three pieces of Trader Joe’s dehydrated pineapple. I was curious to see the reaction.

The jay bounced around, trying to find some seed in crevices, then hopped onto the rail, and speared a piece of pineapple with its beak. Well, it tried a couple of times, then succeeded, proceeding to fly off with its prize.

A squirrel came soon after, did the same hunt around, picked up the pineapple in its paws, turned it around, nibbled, then dropped the pineapple.

It soon gave up, hopped off the balcony. I could hear it pounding against a tree and telling the world what it thought of my negligent service.

With such a reaction I could only put some seed out, a little bit, to appease the wild animals.

Spiritually, I feel like I’ve hit an impasse. I don’t know why, or what it is, or even how to respond. There is a wall standing before me, and I consider whether it is a wall better faced by pressing onwards, or a wall to scale by retreating into a forest grove for a long while.

I decided on the latter while on the lake this morning, then came home and tried to take my contacts out to clean them. One took a bit of effort, my eyes were drier than I thought. The other came right out, well, a quarter of it did. It is a peculiar task to try to coax a contact out when a good piece is quite stuck.

So, I wear glasses now, glasses far too old with a prescription that was given in the misty past of my personal history. Not real conducive for hiking or pondering in the wilderness.

I think I’ll find a good book, and stir my mind in other ways. It is in my soul that what I feel is not just the temporary issues of regular life, but something deeper, stronger, more profound which will take more than just a day’s activity no matter what I do.