Honestly, I feel like writing reasons, more theologizing. Simple fact is, I didn’t do what I ought. This is a discipline, to write down my thoughts, spiritually focused, so as to provide a record of my journey, come what may.
I didn’t do that this morning, and indeed have not quite fulfulled the task as I should for too long.
All is well. I remained busy today, busy at tasks which draw me in, even more than writing. Writing, as most writers would say, is oftentimes a struggle, and so now in working at something which has an element of fun and creativity to it which doesn’t relate to writing it is easy to put the written words all to the side.
But it’s a discipline.
Always, in looking at the past, my journals reflect a rather gloomy bent, a negative tone, an encroaching despair. Because when those feelings arose, I wrote, when they subsided I didn’t.
There are indeed rhythms to life, where certain desires and joys ebb and flow. Obviously, the writing here, the exploration of the deeper parts in general, has waned. I do not necessarily feel this a bad thing, as long as I continue on rightly, continuing on in part until the waxing, when writing and delving are again primary activities. Now, while other things intrude I must watch that my original purposes are not lost, are not practiced.
What this means I’ll look at tomorrow. It certainly means a more intentional return to a precise schedule in contributing to this page. Waiting ‘until I feel like it’ may mean waiting months.
I owe it to my future self not to waste the thoughts of the present. Who knows, maybe I will snap back into a rhythm by sheer perseverance.
All is well, and I need to write this.