Learning to Dance

Explorations in the Spiritual Life

Date: June 17, 2004

evening

The day was beautiful from beginning to end. Summer approaches, yet it is Spring I see. Even at night, the gentle breeze and cool air delight the senses, calm the soul.

So, calm in fact, I’m sleepy now. For whatever reason I’ve been sleepy these last couple of days, taking afternoon naps for the first time in a long while. Exercise of body and brain perhaps.

I do feel the blandness rising of a distanced spirituality. In moments like these the rituals can be comforting, going about the various times and ceremonies because they are scheduled. When a person sets their own schedule, without having a specific goal or hope, it gets more difficult.

But, I plod on, sometimes more spiritual, sometimes more practical, still trying to find real balance.

It is an odd thing to realize one’s own profound immaturity. It is like standing at the bottom of the tallest mountain, unable even to see the top through the clouds, and knowing that the only goal worth having is getting to the very peak.

That is how I feel now. I stand at the foot of the mountain, and take my little steps up the well worn paths.

morning

Early haze soon became bright blue skies, bold blue. A strong, not too strong, breeze blows, keeping it cool. Apparently the valleys are overcast and feeling the gloom of June. Not here, here Spring still asserts itself, the birds and squirrels and chipmunks active and cheery, the trees filled with new shoots.

This was a day of getting up, getting to work, helping out with errands, without real pause until right now. Fruitful and helpful, if not spiritually focused.

It is still the season of preparation and training, rather than rest and settling into a normal spiritual pattern. I feel driven, spiritually so, to pursue my present tasks, and for the time being the overt spiritual exercises are not in the forefront.

I still feel fine with this. The path to Christ is pursued by obedience, not by telling him what we want to do for him. He calls, we listen, he leads, we follow. Sometimes, often, these are the normal patterns of worship. Though, sometimes, often they are. Discernment is very important in the fluid life.

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