Still hasn’t been made. Instead I pursued the path of not doing either really well. Ah well, it seems though, there is still that meditative call within, driving me towards texts, away from the computer.
I thought it would be good to sit outside and stare at the rising moon, a moon nearing fullness. Only some distant house had music playing, music not particularly suited for contemplation.
Again I realize while I am away from the city, I am not far enough away to really delve into the contemplative life. Which makes me wonder if I should be doing so.
Another part of me wishes to have a band, or play for a church again. I feel that inner musical drive eating at me, eating at me in a way which even playing in the light of the rising moon cannot assuage. There is something wonderful about uniting with other musicians, getting into a groove. I miss it.
I miss showing up at someone’s house and talking about deep things, praying together with a group of people.
I press on, feeling the disturbances of life creeping up and within, feeling myself unfocused, mainly because I’m not sure what to focus on. I am called to pursue a path, we all are. Only when a person has gone too long without validation, without justification, it gets tiresome. I feel that, though focused as a lack of focus. What is worth doing, I wonder. I have energy, and just don’t know what the next step to pursue might be.
As a response I might go to bed earlier tonight and try to wake up tomorrow with a little more sense to my mind.
If, however, there is anyone out there looking for a reasonably decent saxophone player, give me a ring. I also play the irish whistle.. if you ask nicely.