It is saying something when a person wakes up before dawn this near the solstice. Before the birds awoke, I got up. I’m not sure why. There was a burst of creavity in me, and I wanted to let it loose. Human noise dominates now, everyone up here, crowded for this neck of the woods. They, for some reason, feel it is the best sort of day to clean, to fix, to blow dirt about. I’m not sure why. There are people, I am sure of it, who have a home, a second home, up here less to have a place to get away and more for another check on the ‘success’ list. They have so little within they do not know what living amidst nature can mean. So, they continue to manipulate, contine to force themselves upon here, like they do when they are in their suburban home.
It has the character of fear. Unable to cope with nature, unable to settle down for a moment, needing to assert their rights over even the wildlands. Not everyone who visits is like that. Many, sad to say are. Making money does not necessarily make a soul.
I stay inside on days like this, bothered by activity of people. My time in the forest, in the lake is best when I enjoy the nature for what it is. That’s why I came up here.
Indeed, I struggle in part with my current quest because I’m not really alone, I’m not isolated in a cave. The time in which complete solitude is possible for those who can delve into those depths is gone. To own privacy one must be well off. But, that is not the goal of the Christian, nor is it the goal to do everything to get away. The goal is not to wish for other circumstances, to say some other reality would be better. The goal is to find Christ wherever we are at. I pray, and trust God is leading, and so must become spiritual in this moment, not rail against the irritations which will never cease in this life.
That is the quest, to discover what it means to be spiritual in this era, in this context. Too much of Church, too much of christian history has put barriers, barriers which demand that we first become a people of the past. I am not living in modernity, I am not living in the Roman era, but the Spirit is the same from then to now. So, I must learn what it is the Spirit is asking for us, what the path of the spiritual person looks like given the realities of our present world.
I’m closer than I was before. Yet very far from the goal. And I’m confused. The path looks different than I expected.