Learning to Dance

Explorations in the Spiritual Life

Date: May 14, 2004

midday

Splashed by a bass just now, scurrying away in very shallow water. Ah, the fun. The lake was being filled up with ski boats, and non-ski fast boats. I scurried away to shallow water.

This is something I ponder, which says more to me than my occasional wanderings. I love my kayak. I see the very expensive boats being put in the water by very expensive trucks and I feel so happy I don’t have to deal with that.

My discontent, when it roars, is not to do with appearances or other’s opinions. It has to do with my own drive, my own heart’s yearning. When I find that which I love, which makes me feel wonderful, happy, purposeful, I could care less what others are wondering. It is the finding of those things, and pursuing them with all my being which will make me content in a world which seeks to order how everyone should be content. So I am, but I’m at the beginning stages without any assurance I will find the prize, except the assurance which comes through faith.

It is not evening right now, I should add. Indeed it’s barely afternoon. I’ll be gone tonight and tomorrow, enjoying various social activities, planned at the very last minute, which I don’t mind. Some of which have ‘issues’ involved. A curious time for the discernment vibe to read a situation. We’ll see, and I’ll be sure to write my thoughts in the portable edition, to be transcribed whenever I get back.

Or not. The days went by busy. late into the night, early in the morning, without moments for reflection, a sabbath of words and deed.

morning

Two squirrels on the balcony this morning, confused by each other, darting around for a bit, before one leaves and the others settles into some snacking. A hazy sun rose into a now bright blue sky, the cool breeze has returned, many shades of green move to its rhythm.

It is morning still, though not much longer left. I awoke with the sense of new beginning, of a renewed zeal, each day is its own entity. Mistakes, frustrations, toil and bother are all part of the Spiritual life. It is not the ease of soul which one requires, it is the persistence, to continue on and onwards despite outer or inner turmoil. Never stopping or turning, that is the key I think. The enemy, ourselves or the Enemy, convinces that our mistakes are too much, we cannot progress, and so turns us away. God always beckons, none are without hope, no matter how far down the path away they have gone. It is only when the call to return is ignored that all is lost.

To the end, God reaches out for us, and it is a wonderful thing to realize that guilt and mistakes are not impediments to his life and grace. The Spiritual life is one in which we always are turning back to God, always reorienting ourselves back to the right way, so that at some point, maybe only in eternity, we will no longer be distracted away from the perfect gaze on the Three-in-One.

The biggest danger is to lose heart, blaming ourselves, fleeing from hope. Always we can get up and move again, unless we believe the lie, and live more shallow than we ought.

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