Learning to Dance

Explorations in the Spiritual Life

Date: May 9, 2004

evening

I turn off my fan to listen to the sound of nature, and I pause for a moment wondering why it doesn’t go off. Then I realized it did go off, the sound I hear is the wind through the cedars and oaks, a constant hum. Coyotes are active far in the distance, high pitched howling, joined by assorted dogs in the neighborhood who bark at their wild cousins. The breeze is perfect, neither warm nor cool, completely suited for humanity. Stars I haven’t seen in a while are shining tonight, small pinpricks in the dark, forming themselves into patterns… either ancient made or new to the imagination.

It likely means something I am excited to wake up in the morning at get started. Today was a day of eating a long lunch and watching movies, a family day. Tomorrow I get back to my tasks, tasks which are now varied enough to have me plan out the whole day, trying to fit in everything I want to do. Old habits, new learning, along with the persistent spiritual pursuits all await. So too does outdoor activity.

The draw of the divine, that which pulls me away from common life into some kind of spiritual void, where I am forced to pursue the path of Christ to the heights, pulls me strong. I laughed today as I thought how true it was what I wrote yesterday, that dreams of other places are just that, for reality draws me to where I am, and it won’t let go until I find what it is I am called to inherit.

It is a quest. A mystical quest, one which forces me internal rather than traipsing across foreign shores. It is no less a quest, and the same overarching singlemindedness is hardening rather than weakening. I am excited because tomorrow means new steps, new progress. It is the holy grail one could say.

One knows the road because of the peace which is felt even when no peace should be near. I should not find peace in my present condition, yet I am more passionate, more focused than ever. So, I journey on, dropping the baggage which weighs me down, learning to focus, learning to discern.

Only self-deception or God can be at work right now. Which makes me ask others, get advice from those I trust. This makes me think it is God. He does not work in common ways, and if we work for him neither shall our ways be normal. Part of the fun, an expression of the freedom.

morning

There was a crash on the balcony, a couple of harsh shrieks, I opened my eyes. A jay was there, looking around, then walked along the rail, I got up. I changed into some shorts and a t-shirt, turned back towards the balcony, where the jay was a squirrel now sat contentedly eating. I suspect one did not turn into the other, but it did surprise me.

Mother’s Day. That is today. A hallmark holiday to be sure, only it is for a good cause. So that is my day, a good part of it at least. Off to brunch at the traditional spot with the family.

I thank God for my mother, she truly is a wise woman and a blessing.

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