I woke up with the wind. Branches danced in the early light of the sun, bright greens bouncing and shaking. I watched for a while this natural rhythm, feeling joy in it, feeling an odd sense of purpose. There is delight in watching cedar branches sway in a heavy wind, one which speaks to parts of my soul my intellect cannot capture.

The weight of last night still rests on me, however, as an unusual insomnia struck, leaving me awake and not wanting to be there, until almost dawn. I struggle to understand its nuances, not knowing if it is acedia or a drive to new directions.

That is the task for the day, to be sure, a figuring out of what is going on, a re-analysis of my place and purpose. Tasks begun are likely needing to be restarted, other tasks need to be put aside, enlivening activities demand attention. I have been here six months now, and feel like I am only beginning to see. This troubles me.

So, I must pray and seek wisdom, counsel, direction. Asking for prayer, doing those things which may or may not be right trails. Wishing for peace, for rest, asking for freedom. I do a number of things which people get paid for, and find my work to be without practical reward. That is a burden. For I work, and still must justify myself to verses which say a person should not eat if they do not work. I weary of no confirmation, no progress, no answers, and no practical encouragement. Some people are kind in their words… my soul needs to find more than words.

There is only forward, as I have said, so that is the direction I will try and go today.