There is a sky I haven’t seen before, at least without a measure of distortion and interference. The Great Bear is now perfectly clear, with the lines of the little bear also seen for the first time. A hazy sky makes the stars less than perfect, as does the bright lights of a nearby neighbor, who is also talking loudly on his porch. A very rare occurrence, unheard of at this hour. Ah, not all are sensitive to the ways of others.
My brother is here, and we spend some time at dinner and watching Wuthering Heights. I never read the book. It is an intriguing and disturbing story. Heathcliffe was not a nice man at his core, even with the draw of love. Though the abuse of his youth did much. I have little sympathy, and finished without emotion, for I didn’t like the characters as people. The movie itself, or the story rather, I did like, for it is not a tale which could be written now – or at least published. So much of old literature is like this. Very few of the “Greats” would get through the door, I think, for there are different standards now. Though, to be honest, I really do wonder what authors will be chosen for inclusion in a collection of early 3rd millennium English language literature. It seems to me that the real greats have not existed since the middle of last century. Our medium is film, and a few of our filmmakers will indeed last past their deaths.
Spiritually (since this is the point of my writing, a quest deep within)? I don’t know. The trees were chopped down today, making this a day in which I could not go anywhere (my truck was fairly trapped) and could not otherwise focus, both sight and sound distractions. I ended up watching TV, noting again in my yearly morning foray that little is worth watching during the day. The September 11 commission hearings were on, as was another press conference with George Bush, along with Ariel Sharon. Very interesting. Politics is rife among it all, the commission’s real work behind the scenes. Those aren’t spiritual issues, however.
I feel sloppy and distanced, not in a depressed or negative way, indeed I feel happy. My sloppiness is one of knowing what must be done and not doing it, like when a person skips exercising for too long. There is somethng pleasing about not doing, only one feels it at the core that it is missing.
Tomorrow is another day without my usual rhythm, though likely a day without the same chaos as today. To be honest, at my core, I also doubt all of this, and am looking outside for some answers again. I’m just not sure whether this is God leading or my own frustrations, couched in words of ambition. Stay the course, that’s the key. Only I’m not sure of the course. Do what is before me, that is all. God is working, and he will lead if I continue to hurl myself into the void and ride the updrafts heavenwards.
The lights are off, the forest is again silent. I think I’ll step out and pray a while, beneath the heavens only recently seen. The dead are gone, and now the living can thrive.