Leo is bright in the southern sky, high just above Cancer to the southwest, and Virgo to the southeast. Jupiter moves with Leo tonight. Before this evening I could not see these stars where they are now. Trees have been felled, three pines tall and dead, gone, leaving open space and open sky. Fallen trunks lie strewn about the yard, the crew did not finish before it was time to go home. Trunks and branches and many needles lie about, perfectly dropped, not another tree was bothered. In the midst of trunk sections, dropped from as much as sixty feet, surrounded by branches large and small, a black oak rises, soon to bud. It is small, to be sure, but a bit of welcome life surrounded by dead brush. It was a very skilled group, with a professional and peaceful air. And they were done with their day by four, something I greatly respect, if only because it leaves a quiet evening.
I learned today that I was not alone in my thoughts of the weekend. Another, one who I respect, fell into the same hellish hole. We haven’t talked a great deal, so there may be distinct nuances, but there is some level of agreement.
Discernment does not happen without a reason. It is the Spirit working in a certain way, and like all the gifts it is to be used to edify the Body of Christ. These reasons can change and differ. Part of me wonders if I felt the brunt of the weight just so I could support this other person, who is more connected. She is not crazy, though she may think so, and having agreement helps to support the fact it is not an internal issue. We’ll talk more to be sure.
Finding this out, and having trees being chopped down, and other distractions made for a rather scattered day. I finish tonight with a little done, but not enough to say the day was worthwhile as far as work goes. I’m still shocked, however, by the amount of change internally. In the course of a day, I go from one extreme to another, feeling content, and at peace, and unconcerned. Maybe too much so, to be honest. I feel I’ve been released from the emotions of the discernment because it is not my part to act, to respond further than being supportive. Also as a warning to me. But, this other person bears the heavier weight, for she is in the fray still, and likely has concerns which are more pressing. God has her there for a reason, and it is her part now to discover. I feel like I’m just around now to give moral and spiritual support.
I was able to get back to my intended work, though I am finding my pure fiction having trailed off. I’m not sure what to do about this, whether it is because I need to finish the spiritual writings first, and then I can return, or if God is continuing to lead me down paths which do not end up where I think they will. He leads, often, by letting us think one thing, and then catches us with another once we are committed.
We can only do that which is before us each day, and try to be faithful in those things, praying that God works out the master plans. To be honest, I’m not feeling all that ‘spiritual’ tonight, for reasons I’m likely aware of. In fact I feel spiritually sloppy, like my internal room is a mess and needing cleaning. Always looking forward, whether caught in depression or joy, or some kind of muddled middle.