morning

Three thirty AM I was awoken by a wild cacophony. Coyotes. A pack of them howling and wailing not far away. It is an eerie sound, making one feel safe inside the home. The sun rose, and soon so did I. The only sound now the new song birds which have come to the area, two kinds. I need to learn their voices. Only the barest of breeze blows. The sun is very bright, only in the shadows do patches of snow remain.

I await with eagerness the work of God in my life. There is no doubt about this. My worry is that I wait with too much eagerness, grasping hold too strongly the smallest branches of change. I have not yet arrived at that place where peace is constant, where I can trust fully in and through all. In lack, I’ve learned to be more steady, though disappointment can rule when hopes are dashed.

This morning I still await, trusting, cautioning myself, even as I feel movement forward. There is no real specific cause, nothing of particular note, though roads blocked may now be opening. We’ll see. Within the hope is an understandable restraint. God is pushing, leading, driving me to a specific spot. In the past I’ve seen him act in what seemed a teasing manner, holding out the carrot, then pulling it away. To take hold of that which he has taken hold of us we must be pulled beyond our natural reach, motivated to get up off our spiritually lazy butts, and leap out into the void. Always, though, is the hope that this time the rope will not move, we will not fall, forward yes but in pain.

The weather speaks of delight and I feel it in my heart, the songs of the birds resonate within. My trepidation is real, and so I do not fully release myself into this bountiful spirit. I still lack faith and trust. Today, though, I take this lesson, keep my wits about me, and will seek to not stray into sin, watching ahead and the path before me. That is the Way.