The snow continues to fall, a gentle tapping sound mixed with the soft rustle of breeze. All is white, and calm. The squirrels and jays who were frantic at getting seed earlier in the day are tucked away somewhere asleep. It is very quiet, full of peace, conducive for wordless prayer.
The peace sought after was partly achieved, though it took some turns. I am struggling finding my way in my writing, so I went outside, walking in the white, staring at the horizon and pondering single flakes. It is a very soft snow, deep for this area. With my dog I laughed, he trying to move in snow up to his chin, quickly realizing the easier way was in my footsteps, where I went he went, it is usually the other way around. I picked up pencil and pen again, beginning a mural I have intended to start for a while, using Celtic designs, such as those found in Illuminated texts. I fought my thoughts, and focused on the tasks, getting done needed errands. And I waited, offering up to God myself today, trusting he will speak, trusting he is leading. I end the day feeling I fought the good fight, though not a dramatic one at the present. It is the way God leads in some, a path of perfection, or at least the quest for such. Why? I don’t know, if I had the choice I would willingly be engaged in more practical, identifiable pursuits. God’s hand has been heavy on my life, and he is leading me to a place I would not naturally go. The end is unknown, dark and shadowy. I pray and wait.
I opened my Bible today, not at the right place at first. These were the words I read, “I go east, but he is not there. I go west, but I cannot find him. I do not see him in the north, for he is hidden. I turn south, but I cannot find him. But he knows where I am going.” He is pulling me through the void, having given me tastes of the Divine presence in the past in such powerful ways I can turn no where else. All there is for me is to continue forward, embracing the emptiness knowing that it will soon be filling. Everything else falls away, accidents of no consequence in comparison to the intent of the Spirit in my soul. I have fumbled much in the past, and now the time has become ripe in which issues must be settled for new doors to open. I look with eager eyes, and continue to do those tasks which are before me each day. I can do nothing else.
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