I finally saw the birds today. And plenty of them. It did help I went elsewhere. Curiously, I also saw a coyote late this afternoon. Curiously I say, because it was around when other dogs were out. And it was chasing something, likely a squirrel, in a full run up the driveway. The coyotes had been gone for a couple of weeks, then earlier today as I was preparing to leave I heard them gathering off in a secluded area. Danger was again coming. I don’t want coyotes to feel comfortable around this house, so I went outside. He was by my truck staring down at me. I ran off the deck, up the stairs, right at him, picking up a small branch along the way. I’m not sure why I did this, it really was small, I guess it felt right to have something in my hand. I chased it away from my truck, and down the little access road, only then noticing I wasn’t wearing any shoes. Thoughts of yelling at it passed through my mind. I didn’t follow through, keeping up a quiet chase down the road, past a house, through trees, across a road, down a hill, into the forest. I felt like Natty Bumpo from Last of the Mohicans. Of course, had the coyote turned (and it was a large one) I’m not sure what I would have done. My forest craft ends at actual confrontation. It ran on away, much more fleet of foot than I. The thrill of the chase was in fact exhilarating. There are parts of my being I rarely get to exercise.
Now it is quiet, the wind has died down. Something scurried across my roof a moment ago, and I have no idea what it is. There are night creatures about, but none that I know of which would scurry across my roof.
The day was a restless one in general for me. I don’t know why. I awoke early and while I didn’t get to the tasks I wanted to, I think I made very good use of my time with other tasks. It’s slow going for me at times, but worthwhile. My discontent reared its head, though I tried to do what is right. My increasing patterns of Spirituality, I found today, were very helpful, keeping me focused, if not content.
I mentioned to a friend this evening I felt I had entered into a new stage. To be honest I’m not sure what I meant by that. I even wonder if I just made that up so I didn’t have to say “nothing” when she asked, “What’s new?”. But, it came out, and I’m not sure I was wrong. I just don’t know what kind of new stage it is. There is, however, something curious going on, a recovery of something I have not felt for literally years, an earnest rising out of my soul of prayer and passion for renewed spirituality. Of course, that’s why I came up to these parts, so it is not a surprise, I guess. It is not totally new, just some kind of new nuance with it all, like I got to the next rung. There is so much we cannot see, so much we do not know as we traipse through the already and not yet.
What I do know, however, and I don’t know why, is that all is well with me. All is in God’s hands, and he is actively drawing me towards him in an exciting way. Details are lacking, a frustration to be sure. I’m sure of the reality of this, so sure I’m willing to bet my life on it. It’ll be nice to see how it turns out.
Maybe that’s the restlessness, knowing that something is going on, feeling it with every part of my soul, and not having an inkling of what it is. So the emotions stir inside without the ability to settle or focus, swirling in some measure of confusion, unable to pin down the exact feeling. I responded to something that I don’t know today. Good or bad, I haven’t a clue. All is well, though, and all will be well.